Do you remember those days in high school when you always had a crush on some cute boy...or you were frustrated with a friend...the days when you were filled with all kinds of ambitions and secret dreams?
Sometimes there were things you just had to tell someone, but when your best friend or your sisters or your mom weren't available (or maybe didn't understand), what could be done? For me, I had to write it down. Who better to tell than yourself, right? I was pretty good at keeping my own secrets.
I still have lots of notebooks filled with my thoughts and hopes and loves. But, here's the thing...those notes look something like this:
W oy ea wb xajs iwht Ywqtosx htoh W ywuth tojs ha zwee twe roqs ajsf obn ajsf ouowb.
Yeah, I was also a little paranoid.
You see, I had this thought that someone might notice me writing and would sneak up behind me to read what I was writing. I didn't want just anyone to know who I was in love with and all the yearnings of my heart, so I made up a code. Because, that doesn't look odd at all.
Seriously, I knew this code so well that I could write it, in cursive, as smoothly as I wrote in English. I could also read it.
It became my own little language. A place where I could go and feel safe and sort out my thoughts. And, now that I think of it, I think it is pretty cool that I was able to create such a good place for myself.
It did become a little silly, though. Like when I needed to go to the store to get...ahem...feminine products. I was too embarrassed to write the actual word down on my list. I just wrote "DOPE" instead...because that looks much better on a shopping list. (heehee! If I write "dope" here, no one will notice that I'm buying maxi pads!)
You'll notice I'm not giving you the key to my code. I have far too many notebooks filled with my teenage (and maybe not-so-teenage) secrets to let the key out now. Besides...I may or may not be using it still.